Someday I will have it all figured out, but for today I am back at square one. I am frustrated . God help me.

Nevah Forget!

well.  its sunday, one week after my drop into new normal.  not sure i feel settled or even normal.  honestly, thats about all i can say.  dont have a job yet or super clear picture of how it will look when the dust settles.  but i do feel i belong here and for some odd reason thats enough right now.

so i get to say adios to this wandering life and hello to a new (probably more challenging for me) normal
existence.  my prayer is that i would be able to stay me and bring the beautiful things i have learned into my fresh adulthood.

dad has this tshirt that he got from the church we went to in Hawaii (Hope Church, I think?).  

its says, "nevah, nevah, forget!"  kind of funny how his goofy tshirts have made a statement over the years.  like the one he has about evolution.  that one made the announcements at King's High School in 1997.  

all i can tell you is that he doesnt think we came from an amoeba.  

anyway!

"nevah forget!" says dads hawaiian t-shirt.  nevah forget how i got here.  nevah forget who brought me here safely.  nevah forget who has walked with me all this way.  nevah forget the fragility of our existence and awesome blessing we experience everyday.  nevah forget to hope for things unseen and often impossible.
nevah forget the importance of the people around you. and nevah forget Who it is that makes you who you are.

here is a little tribute to what will surely become the good ole' days in dc.
a few dc memories

Psalm 19:1-2 

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.”

-thanks mar. =)

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happily normal

e road.

You know the moment when you reach your max, but you realize you are not done yet? I am there. Lord help me keep it movin for just a few more days on th

Lineage

Does it really matter who your ancestors are?  I have to admit, I find myself a little obsessed by the search for my ancestors every now and then.  Seems like we know so little. 
Thanks to Ancestry.com I recently learned we are Cuban.  How funny is that.  For years I have heard about my Grandfather from Madrid.  Well he may have descended from a Spanish line, but I am at my great great grandparents and they are still in Havana.  Hmm m m ...this might explain my dad's obsession with an island.  Maybe we really are Cuban.  He is just finding home. =)

And on my mom's side I always thought she was equal parts English and Irish.  Actually, she is mostly if not all Northern Irish.  The English names belied her pretty darn Irish roots.
After spending a week in Dublin, I have to tell you I have one of THE most Irish mothers there ever was.
I love it.  We will go back soon. That place suits her so well.  The fantastic tea, simple organic food, gorgeous greenery and lovely streets with classic architecture.

Is it a coincidence that my parents have become who they are?  Neither one new half of the information that I have been able to collect.  Mom and I even connected some long spread apart dots about whether my Great Grandmother was actually my Grandfather's mother.  She is, definitely.   Even my Grandpa never really was sure.  Would it have helped him if he knew?

Somehow, knowing all these things really helps me.  I feel more comfortable in my own skin and find a bit of reason with who I am naturally and instinctually. Like its okay to be the oddity of me. 

Here's to a lovely Irish Mom, who I will get to see in a week!=)

rounding the last curve

literally have a week to go in this place.  dear lord, help me to do it right.

i am moving home.  did you know?  and its happening fast.
barring any oddities at my workplace (one postal CEO), I will be leaving
on june 3 with a little 95 green honda, two hound dogs, some space bag shrunk clothes, and my bialetti.
coffee maker is not optional baggage.
kind of what i came with, actually. =) 

my job is not solidified, much to my chagrin and i think my dad and b's stress.  but i feel confident and actually have 2 opportunities that are viable on the table. 
i have less money in my savings account than i had hoped, but i am counting on God to use that one to my benefit and not my downfall. 

cant talk about it too much (or i will cry and i am at work.), but leaving this place is so bittersweet.  i know i am supposed to go to seattle, but leaving my wonderful little dc family behind is killing me.  cant we all just start a great company, be rich and live in seattle and travel for fun?  well i am praying for it!

in the mean time and i flying at work, hosting 2 major events next week at work.  then giving my boss
news that i am leaving and not coming back. that is honestly the most stressful part of this whole transition.

i did make a checklist of issues that need to be ironed out before i exit.  got about half of them done. 
next week is going to be a little busy. =)

dear lord, can you prepare the way for me? i know that i am doing the right thing, but failure does not sound fun.  can you keep me from falling?  i am counting on it.
amen.

Jude 1.24
Doxology


24 To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— 25 to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.
 
Bible study at my house on tuesday.  every since i rearranged my bedroom, we never sit in the living room.  we ate sushi and baby crepes in my bed.  kind of gross actually.  but it was like a mini slumber party.
i love my girls so much.  thank you lord for such sweet friendships.

this is an instant classic.  freaking hilarious.

faith for real.

I am starting with a verse because I need one.

Matthew 17.14-20
¹⁴ When they came to the crowd, a man approached Jesus and knelt before him. ¹⁵“Lord, have mercy on my son,” he said. “He has seizures and is suffering greatly. He often falls into the fire or into the water. ¹⁶ I brought him to your disciples, but they could not heal him.”

   ¹⁷ “You unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” ¹⁸ Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed at that moment.

 ¹⁹ Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?”

 ²⁰ He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” 

Amen, amen, amen.  I really have no need or desire cast out demons or move actual mountains. 

But I guess if you think about, I guess we do this every day.

Talking customers off the ledge of despair with their Cherry Veneer (wood) hutches instead of white they had in their head but did not communicate.  Evil despair cast out.

Making those same hutches reappear with white doors.  Mountain moved!

It sort of hollywood-esque to say, just believe and it will happen.  Honestly not sure that I am into mind control and moving mountains with your brain.  But what about Faith. Believing in the unseen and often impossible.  Mari prays for faith every time we have Bible study.  I always laugh and say, I think we will call you Faith. =)  

I think I have learned not have faith in anything, unless its written, data perfect information proving it.

Ask anyone who is bothered by me.  They will say, she asks a lot of questions.  And I do, I even hassle mari and malia when they state facts or give out info.  Nothing is to be believed.  Left at Connecticut, are you sure?? I dont think so.  

Yikes.  that is not how I really feel all the time, but its gotten to be a blanket reaction.

I rarely trust people and even more rarely trust people with me (you know the real me, inside guts, imperfections and faults exposed).

Big deep breath.  Another new habit.  I need the faith even as small as a mustard seed.  This dust size faith is not doing me justice.  First real practice of this faith, to believe that God has a plan worked out for me in Seattle.  

I feel confident about going and the timing of the June-ish.  But I just haven't seen the clear round green light of job on the dotted line. Place to live. Rent or Own.  

So nerdily enough, i am asking, praying and reciting my faith.

I have some in there somewhere.

new habit.  learn to trust and believe without fear.

Easter. . .

We had fun!

we walked to meet janet, mark and miss karen.  what a beautiful day!

home made fried chicken tenders and amazing real whip cream!

I am sped, but it actually works.  Rice Krispy eggs with whoppers in the middle.