fleeting thoughts

surely i am just tired, but dang i can't keep a thought in my head long.
at my desk, i turn right to review a drawing.  as soon as i turn left to my laptop, i can't remember what i needed to do next.  i know it was important and urgent, but frick, what was it!?

think i need to clean up my desk and organize well enough for my dimentia'd self.  maybe post its everywhere. . .
huh, what was i thinking?

geez.  is it the weekend yet? =)

If God can help Jeremiah speak, maybe he can help me think. =)

^{Jeremiah 1.4}

⁴ The word of the LORD came to me, saying,

 ⁵ “Before I formed you in the womb I knew^[a] you,
   before you were born I set you apart;
   I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

 ⁶ “Alas, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”

 ⁷ But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. ⁸ Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.

I decided.

Its time.  Time to move on.  Once I settle the last lingering physical evidence of a sad married life (my finances), I am changing up my blog therapy.  Plus it gives me a goal to look forward too. =)

Not that I am totally rescued and healed or anything.  But I need to move out of this in between stage and just live.  Forgetting what is behind me and striving for the present and future.  God is good, so I am confident.

For now:  Mom is here!  Last night was Nora.  Yum and a bit more expensive than Popeyes dinner Malia requested for her birthday, but so worth it.  They even printed her name on our menus.   Love it!
Happy Birthday little sister.  I love you so much.


Happily Normal coming you way very soon. . .

In the mean time, cry a couple tears with me as we wrap up this little bummer fest.

adult is good

yah, i love being adult.  there are plenty of whine worthy moments.  but overall i am free, happy, and engaged in a great life.

i think being in ireland with b might have reset my perspective a bit.  can you tell? =)
i feel thoroughly refreshed and mom is coming tomorrow to continue the joy!

by the way, ireland is really, really cool.  food was great. people were quite hospitable and the scenery was gorgeous.  zero complaints about celebrating a birthday in ireland.  more photos of course.  they are trapped on a camera in kirkland right now. . .;-)

From Mar 18, 2011

(video link, just in case:  https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/3tK7l2pwftlQH4XF0Yhud-4ko2Xc0qXtoVWTwvlcZYY?feat=directlink)

here we are on the floor by the bathroom, on the way to Cork.  the train was so packed there wasnt even room in the hallway.  we were lucky to find a "seat" (aka floor space) near a door to the dining car.  B got more leg room anyway. =)

But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”” - Jeremiah 17:7-8

work release

we are always renaming clyde. . .
jo-jo
lester the molester
malia's boyfriend
special ed
cleetus
licker

he really is a loyal dear dog.  but last night we decided on the perfect new fit for him.
work release =)

kelley is a girly girl and proper to the core.  meanwhile he has stinky feet, sticks to you like glue.  licks you at all the wrong times. overly affectionate to just about everyone he passes.  constantly trying to climb into your lap.  and destroys something of yours when you push him past his limits of time alone.
think the only thing he is really missing is a prison tat.  although he does have an actual heart on his left side! =)

seriously never saw myself as a dog person, but these silly animals make my life such joy on a regular basis.
thank you lord for blessing even in the sweetest ways.

authentic life

maybe this painting looks a bit archaic. it should it was painted in the very early 1300s. the amazing thing about it is the simplicity and emotion. this painting was done at a time when gold crowns topped nearly every head in church art (check out below). byzantine, flat, 2 dimensional art reigned supreme still, even in this same church (Santa Croce).

Giotto's Death of St. Francis is pretty much my favorite painting of all time.  There are so many I love, but this one shares so much emotion.  While studying in Florence, I went back to this painting about 10 times.  Any excuse I could make to find a restaurant, shoe store or antique market on this older, less desirable side of town.  The church itself a bit more sedate from the outside than that massive Duomo at the center of Florence that tourist flock to in hoards.  Maybe it had to more to do with less people, but there is something so endearing about it.

Imperfection can be such a painful part of life, but can you imagine us all walking around with gold crowns on.  Smiling and nodding as if nothing could penetrate our perfect exteriors or remove that dang piece of metal on our heads.  A little pat on your perfect shoulder and polite stepford smile and you are on your way.
Yeah, thats not what I want.

I have been hashing thru some of the real things that are a part of my history.  Honestly I hate (and I do mean hate in the impolite way) some of it still.  But on the advice of a friend, am hoping to face it head on find a way put it peacefully to rest and not to haunt.  Just have to remind myself once in awhile. . . so here are a couple sweet moments from my history that would have happened without the detours I have taken. =)

me and dad on labor day a couple years back at snow lake.  thats actually kind of a hard hike, but worth it.  a little embarrassing that my dad still kicks my rear on a hike, but its hopeful for my future!=)

Ice Cream with my girls (Payton and Hailey) at Westport in August 2009

Christmas at Aunt Janet's (December 2009) with my favorite little trouble maker, Miss Evan.  That girl is truly after my own heart.  Run em all down little lady! I got your back. =)

Happy Monday, almost St Patrick's Day and almost on my way to Ireland!

m

Psalm the St Francis sang as he passed into heaven. . .

Psalm 141

A psalm of David. 

¹ I call to you, LORD, come quickly to me;
   hear me when I call to you.
² May my prayer be set before you like incense;
   may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.
 ³ Set a guard over my mouth, LORD;
   keep watch over the door of my lips.
⁴ Do not let my heart be drawn to what is evil
   so that I take part in wicked deeds
along with those who are evildoers;
   do not let me eat their delicacies.
 ⁵ Let a righteous man strike me—that is a kindness;
   let him rebuke me—that is oil on my head.
My head will not refuse it,
   for my prayer will still be against the deeds of evildoers.
 ⁶ Their rulers will be thrown down from the cliffs,
   and the wicked will learn that my words were well spoken.
⁷ They will say, “As one plows and breaks up the earth,
   so our bones have been scattered at the mouth of the grave.”
 ⁸ But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign LORD;
   in you I take refuge—do not give me over to death.
⁹ Keep me safe from the traps set by evildoers,
   from the snares they have laid for me.
¹⁰ Let the wicked fall into their own nets,
   while I pass by in safety.

girls.

We are a funny bunch. That is for sure.
Tonight we had PGBS (Pretty Girls Bible Study) at Malia's house.  As usual, she dazzled our palates with a fresh middle eastern wild rice salad.  Sounds complex, but the fresh orange and lime zest were amazing.  Plus dates!  I know they will kill you, but I could eat dates until I am dead.  They are hands down better than chocolate any day.  Anyway, food was good.
Although we gathered to study the Bible, we pretty much just watched Sex and the City and made Malia give us a fashion show for her med school interview outfit.  Normally we are more on task, but tonight we were exhausted between sickness (Malia), work travel and oddball dates (Mar) and walking home from downtown after being on a jobsite all day (idiota =)) - we were down for the count.  But still it was so therapeutic.  Right before we rushed home to get in bed by 1015pm.  We talked about our prayer needs and prayed for each other.
I can't really explain the rhythm we have found as a little DC family.  But its exactly what we need and it is amazing.  Somehow we always manage to together.  Sometimes in duo, sometimes in trio, but always together like little nucleus. =)
Monday night I needed to go to Pentagon City Mall and asked Mar if she needed anything.  She didn't even respond to my question.  She just said sure, I'll come. We ended up finding a great little hoody Japanese spot to eat, took a trip to the Sweet Factory (ohh junior high how i miss thee) and finally pondering gynormous fake ring jewelry.  One of which almost had to buy because it wouldn't come off her finger.
Tomorrow night I will hook up with Malia to send her off to Roanoke in style and encouragement.  She says to me tonight, yeah, we can do shooters.  Hahaha! Sure.  We talk about drinking our troubles away all the time, but rarely do every make it that far.  In fact we have been meaning to go to this bar in dupont for like a year.  Unfortunately for the bar, its right across the street from Tangy Sweet (our beloved yogurt spot).  After lounging over some yogurt, fruit, and honey, we feel more relaxed and have chatted and ready to go home.  No bar, not today.
Oh and for Lent, we are giving up swearing.  I dont know when it happened, but we sound like a truck stop in Bozeman, Montana.  Wow.  But Lent doesn't start until March 16th (I am told), so I have committed to the most amount of swearing possible until then.  It really hasn't been much of a struggle, this commitment. ;-)

All of this is to say, wow.  For the rest of my life I will look back at this time as one of the most amazing periods in my little history.  Randomness, closeness, encouragement, occasional skirmishes, tears, way more laughter, food, errands, new years eve dinners, cute dresses, horrible hair, leisurely brunches, horrible work days and a lot of love.
Thank you Lord so much for surrounding me with a beloved family on the far side of the earth.
Keep us together somehow, even when start to spread our wings this year to different destinations.

my birthday princess hats.  yes, i am 32. haha!

New Years Eve at Nora in the booth.  Did I mention we didn't decide where to go until 830pm? Classic.

sledding in Pennsylvania or Maryland.  I have no idea where we were, but it was fun.  the best part is the photo got tagged on facebook.  someone, not me! tagged mari (far middle) as "large man".  nice.

mali, mar and janet at july 4th.  yeah, it was a while ago, but crap that was the best july 4th i have had in a while. =) we didn't miss anything!

^{Psalm 91.11 This is true!}

¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you 

   to guard you in all your ways; 

¹² they will lift you up in their hands, 

   so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.