Todavía sin hacer.

Estado tratando de blog para un par de semanas. Pense que deberia escribir sobre el desorden. Aún tratando de descubrir quién y cómo será. Por lo tanto, texto en español. Sin embargo, sin hacer otra cosa que he esperado hasta el final y agarrarse, algo en mí que nadie se puede llevar. Todavía sin hacer.
Todos los días me despierto con una buena actitud y la intención, positiva que voy a tocar una pieza de
la rompecabeza en su lugar. Ella educadamente se sienta apretada mientras moteado alrededor para encontrar las otras piezas que faltan y, lentamente, maestro de la imagen que se me escapa ahora.
De hecho, mis piezas de las rompecabezas tiene un plan propio. Al parecer, están trabajando en oposición directa a todos mis esfuerzos. Cada vez que tengo un rincón en conjunto, uno se sale y vuela al otro lado de la mesa. ¡En serio!!!
¿Cuál es el futuro para mí ahora? 7 años de mi vida estan borrarados y se han puesto en un curso diferente. ¿Cómo es posible que hacer buenas decisions llevar a este tipo de resultados? ¿Qué va a impedir que no fallar en el futuro. ¿La verdad? Nada.
De verdad, no estoy discontenta. Verdaderamente este cambio ha producido un cambio bueno. Me gusta donde vivo y la libertad de ser una adulta soltera. Las placas móviles están empezando a cansarme. Quiero un lugar definido para encajar, entrar, y ponerse en marcha. Eso no ha sucedido todavía, y estoy agarrarando para lograrlo todos los días. Supongo que eso no es natural (o agradable) para mí, para recorrer. . .


Been trying to blog for a couple of weeks. Figured I should breakdown and write the mess. Still trying to find out who and how I will be. Hence Spanish text. Yet another thing undone that I have hoped to finish and hang onto; something about me that no one can take away.
Every day I wake up with a good attitude and intention, positive I am going to knock a piece of
the puzzle in place. It will politely sit tight while I mottle around to find the other missing pieces and slowly master the picture that escapes me now.
Actually my puzzle pieces have a plan of their own. Apparently, they are working in direct opposition to all of my efforts. Every time I get a corner together, one pops out and flies to the other side of the table. Seriously!!!!
What is in the future for me to Now? 7 years of my life is erased and re-routed. How can good choices possibly lead to this kind of outcome? What will keep me from failing in the future. Truth? Nothing.
I am really not unhappy. Truly this switch has been a good shift. I love where I live and the freedom of being a single adult. The shifting plates are just starting to wear me out. I want a definite place to fit, get in, and get going. That has just not happened yet and I am grasping for it everyday. Guess its not that natural (or delightful) for me to wander. . .

on our way to walk. look we are alive in dc!

Video of our new DC pad.

more to come. . .

Fierce and Fragile. Can't I be both?

think i will start this story in the middle. too many details over the past year have made catching up impossible all at once. so here goes a tidbit. . .

landed in DC on January 16, 2010 for an entirely new life. new house on lamont st in mt. pleasant dc. new job at an IT non profit in Bethesda. new relationships with friends and myself. no wedding ring. new yard for kelley and clyde. new garage for my poor car that made here with not a single hitch. but does need an alignment and oil change like there is no tomorrow.

several people (costa, mari and malia!!) have recommended i see a counselor after one hello of a 2009. sorry to the psychiatric community, but i just cant do it. talking to a stranger about my disturbing life is in the top 5 of cant bear to dos. kind of hope writing to a private few will help me open up and let go of some of these strange events.

growin' up all over again. . .

this week i have realized i may not be laiden with baggage of hate and a jaded nature from a bad relationship. but my world is so utterly different. i am being faced daily with decisions i haven't had to make in a very long time. meeting more new people than i have met in years and trying to sort thru myself and how much of it i allow to surface to this new crew of consorts.

i realized i have an innate and serious nature of not wanting to disappoint the people i love and care about. going to points both unnecessary and possibly harmful to hide faults from people i admire. what the heck am i so afraid of? on the outside i show nothing but confidence and exuberance. these are real too. i do like myself. i am cool. cant help it.=)

but still ridiculous enough to be afraid of what the people close to me think.

dont have a solution for this. but praying about an open heart with the people in my sweet circle. i see some of my closest friends open up about things unbelievable and still find myself holding back. like i am supposed to be untouched after this life of 31 years.

come on!!! no one is left unscathed after being born into this world.

i know that. i do. just wish it didn't apply to me.

somehow i am going to learn how to balance my strength and my weakness. i have so many of both.