rescue in process. . .: submittal in the middle

hi.. i need to do this more often. sort of hashing out my insides the only way i know how. so forgive me for repetitive and slow nature. feels like things happen. i figure it out and then quickly forget. guess that is what the comment section is for. =)

been talking to God about some of the things i am supposed to be doing in relationships. i have always felt, or rather, acted like i know myself best, so who could possibly pick for me? i might know myself, but i really dont know much of what i need. so i am going to try (hard) to do something new and different and dare to follow someone smarter than me. yep, that means submittal. i despise even the word SUBMIT, but if i want what is best, not just sorta kinda, then i must. another horrible word MUST. . .

lets get down the paragraph away from those words. it making me grit my teeth. . .
surely, there are lots of positive things about slowing down and hooking into the lead for the Godly rope tow.
first of all, the rope pulls you up a mountain you would have otherwise had to try and slip and slide up on a pair of skis. that takes a long time. i can attest. plus its painful. you would be way to tired and busted up once you got to the top of the mountain to really enjoy the great ride ahead. but if you just hang onto the big scratchy rope. it will drag you upwards without so much fuss.
when you get to the top, you get the most beautiful view and take a big deep breath. the air is so fresh.
once you are ready to fly, you adjust your gloves and push off. hopefully you glide down most of the way.
there are still some bumps and a few falls, but overall the ride down the hill is bliss. so great, you hook right back on and head up the mountain for that fantastic view and great ride.

you really can't get that amazing ride with out the escort and directive up the mountain. crap. i am bummed. can't do it by myself. i am trying to remember or atleast imagine what the ride down the mountain is going to feel like. so far heading up the mountain is pretty good, but sometimes its a pretty slow ride. when things aren't settled or the things i wanted aren't working out, frustration comes to get me.

right now i am riding the middle. the rope is hard to hang onto over the bumps (disappointments) and the mountain is steep, but most of the time its so PEACEFUL and COMFORTABLE. two words i haven't felt or thought in awhile. i am happier than i can remember ever being as an adult. but when dark haunts me, it seems heavier than it has ever been. the outcomes i have produced on my own have been anything but glorious and i really do want to hang on all the way to the top. no jumping off midway! so i submit.

the cool (oft frustrating too) thing about being in the middle is the (supposed =)) ability to relax. God's got it. Mom always tried to get me to do my best and let God do the rest. in the mean time, am sliding along with the best of friends and staying warm by staying close. working on letting that blissful view come to me in good time and enjoying a two hand grip on my support and strength on the lead all the way.

friday afternoon Walter and I rented a row boat at Fletchers Cove on the Potomac. was only about an hour, but it was so fun! first time the dogs have been on a boat smaller than the ferry. =) kelley did not move the entire time. as you can see she is attached to walter's legs. =) clyde and i, of course jumped ship and swam for a bit.

top: i just got back in the boat and wanted to catch clyde in action. he never got back in the boat. just swam along side.

4th of July all over town. we did everything and showed up at peoples' houses we didn't even know. didn't stop us from swimming in their pool. below we are playing in the pool at a hotel in sw. there really were that many people there. we just jumped in the middle. was so much fun and hotter than you know what!