widows oil and disappointment

well, I am not a widow, but sure feels like it sometimes.  i ran across this passage while i was looking for a verse on hope some days back.  you know i might need to find some empty jars. . .

2Kings 4 - The Widows Oil

 ¹ The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, "Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the LORD. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves."

 ² Elisha replied to her, "How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?"
      "Your servant has nothing there at all," she said, "except a little oil."

 ³ Elisha said, "Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don't ask for just a few. ⁴ Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side."

 ⁵ She left him and afterward shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. ⁶ When all the jars were full, she said to her son, "Bring me another one."
      But he replied, "There is not a jar left." Then the oil stopped flowing.

 ⁷ She went and told the man of God, and he said, "Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left."

I am quite sure I am a little bit foolish, but I am finished working 7 days a week.  This last weekend was my last sitting at the desk at Allegro.  Gave my final notice a few weeks ago.  I do need it for another couple weeks in July, but the very thorough (might I say legalistic) site manager at the apartment complex said I would absolutely have to work July 4 weekend.  Seems like we could have worked something out, but I can't commit to that little sleep.

My last day wasn't too terrible, except that I was so stressed and tired getting there.  Finally broke down over some hurt feelings with Mari and Malia at lunch after church.  You know baby children have a dramatically different perspective sometimes than the mama older sis.  Frankly their perspective felt self centered at the time.  I have a tendency to commit to time I do not have to spare, because I want to help and be there so bad.  Seems neither of the girls were interested in this philosophy and weren't all that thrilled that I had showed at all.  It would be better if I just said no, but I can't help it.  I do love them both so much. Want to give anything I have and lately that has not been on their terms.  It has been chaotic, late and all over the map.

if you asked me aside about trying to please people all of the time.  i would tell you that is nutty.  but in real life, i try.  disappointing the people i love hurts me way more than it hurts them.  i figured that out this weekend.  

i am fully willing to over commit my non existent spare time to please you in any way i can.  truthfully, it makes me happy to help my family and friends out.  almost feel left out if i can't help you when you need it.  

wow.  that was probably about $5000 worth of a breakthrough in therapy.  really? i will do almost anything to avoid disappointing you if it has been made clear there are some expectation or things that bother you?

am i really that silly?  dude, that is never gonna work out for the good. even the people i adore are wack sometimes.  

i am almost fully recovered from both 7 day work weeks and feeling the disappointment.  heading west to see my mom could not have come at a better time!!!  thank you lord.  pacific ocean and beloved parents in one fell swoop in about 36 hours.  repair complete.