Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
if God is for us. . .
then who can be against us?
feels like everyone. . .
but i know this is true:
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
romans 8.28,38-39
have a good day guys.
feels like everyone. . .
but i know this is true:
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
romans 8.28,38-39
have a good day guys.
this is what is against me today. what an appropriate name for this project. . .CSBS. . .
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and other nightmares. . .
ok. i know i shouldn't watch any of it. have seen a couple of the dc housewives because i wanted to see how dc is portrayed. last night i was practicing my expertise with the remote control and the beverly hills troop came on. well they are definitely not disproving an theories on LA and plastic surgery. holy crap can someone tell the girl with sort of carmelly colored hair that her lips are not even attached to her face anymore. i could not stop staring. it was as if they were their own piece of being. yuck and half.
not to mention, if you thought the real ladies of the oc were shallow and baseless, the bh chicas got em beat for sure.
dude, they make me want to stop bathing and drive a corolla, just to get as far away from their horrific attitudes and lives as possible. felt terribly sorry for camille, kelsey grammar's wife (or exwife? I am confused).
there was no real life there at all. fake, all fake. i am gonna spit up if i keep thinking about it!
maybe thats how the nightmare session got started. aren't we all supposed to want to be a stay at home mom, with gucci shoes, one curly haired baby, eight nannies, and a house manager to help us while we are not bothering to parent our children? not to mention having no relationship whatsoever with our very rich and elusive spouse. so disgusted by the whole "real" housewives concept. never! never!
i did have quite a nightmare. not sure if i screamed and cried for real, but i think my eyes were pretty puffy when i woke up. had dream that rodney showed up at my door and all the sudden was transported back to premarriage niceness. i was skeptical at first, but let him in. we talked and he just seemed so sincere. he even offered to walk the dogs with me, which was never a reality! it was too good to be true. when snap, before we could literally kiss and make up, he started going into some new studio equipment he had purchased. instantly my blood began cooking. i am in the middle of reorganizing a joint pair finances because you supposedly could not find a job and you can't pay your student loans and now you show up here. . . this is all very suspect.
i realized (in my dream) he had shown up as per usual, because he needed to help financially. he even had sort of an evil glint in his eye when i looked closer. there was no good there. kind of went nuts in my dream. a lot of screaming. i thru him out and slammed the door.
the whole thing was horrifying. probably less over the content which was all too familiar and more over the idea of him being in my real life, right now, in my house on 35th. it was so, so much worse than just remembering the bad. dont know what it could really mean, but i will tell you what i took from it.
have been feeling a little bad for myself the last few days and honestly a little depressed about things. but man o man my life is so much better than being drug down by that man ever again. no matter what state i am in now, it is better than being tied up in knots over absolutely everything and not being able to function normally because i can't seem to make my husband happy. no more constant moving about trying to find something that would never be found. he completely missed the real joy and zest for imperfect and beautiful life that was ours for the taking. he just didnt' feel comfortable enough in his own skin to love anyone else, let alone be happy with himself.
i know there will be other hard times in life. but i now know that if i am willing to listen, i will never have to live like that again. used to be afraid i would accidentally fall into that reality again by making a few wrong turns. but no way! even in my dream, i recognized the signs and said h-e-double hockey sticks no! get out and dont come back.
when i woke up my throat was scratchy, like i had been screaming. i was just so grateful it was only a dream. thank you lord for delivering me to rockville, maryland this morning to work. and not delivering me into the hands of constant dissatisfaction for the rest of my life.
think this situation has been a little more traumatic than i was willing to admit.
glad to be out.
not to mention, if you thought the real ladies of the oc were shallow and baseless, the bh chicas got em beat for sure.
dude, they make me want to stop bathing and drive a corolla, just to get as far away from their horrific attitudes and lives as possible. felt terribly sorry for camille, kelsey grammar's wife (or exwife? I am confused).
there was no real life there at all. fake, all fake. i am gonna spit up if i keep thinking about it!
maybe thats how the nightmare session got started. aren't we all supposed to want to be a stay at home mom, with gucci shoes, one curly haired baby, eight nannies, and a house manager to help us while we are not bothering to parent our children? not to mention having no relationship whatsoever with our very rich and elusive spouse. so disgusted by the whole "real" housewives concept. never! never!
i did have quite a nightmare. not sure if i screamed and cried for real, but i think my eyes were pretty puffy when i woke up. had dream that rodney showed up at my door and all the sudden was transported back to premarriage niceness. i was skeptical at first, but let him in. we talked and he just seemed so sincere. he even offered to walk the dogs with me, which was never a reality! it was too good to be true. when snap, before we could literally kiss and make up, he started going into some new studio equipment he had purchased. instantly my blood began cooking. i am in the middle of reorganizing a joint pair finances because you supposedly could not find a job and you can't pay your student loans and now you show up here. . . this is all very suspect.
i realized (in my dream) he had shown up as per usual, because he needed to help financially. he even had sort of an evil glint in his eye when i looked closer. there was no good there. kind of went nuts in my dream. a lot of screaming. i thru him out and slammed the door.
the whole thing was horrifying. probably less over the content which was all too familiar and more over the idea of him being in my real life, right now, in my house on 35th. it was so, so much worse than just remembering the bad. dont know what it could really mean, but i will tell you what i took from it.
have been feeling a little bad for myself the last few days and honestly a little depressed about things. but man o man my life is so much better than being drug down by that man ever again. no matter what state i am in now, it is better than being tied up in knots over absolutely everything and not being able to function normally because i can't seem to make my husband happy. no more constant moving about trying to find something that would never be found. he completely missed the real joy and zest for imperfect and beautiful life that was ours for the taking. he just didnt' feel comfortable enough in his own skin to love anyone else, let alone be happy with himself.
i know there will be other hard times in life. but i now know that if i am willing to listen, i will never have to live like that again. used to be afraid i would accidentally fall into that reality again by making a few wrong turns. but no way! even in my dream, i recognized the signs and said h-e-double hockey sticks no! get out and dont come back.
when i woke up my throat was scratchy, like i had been screaming. i was just so grateful it was only a dream. thank you lord for delivering me to rockville, maryland this morning to work. and not delivering me into the hands of constant dissatisfaction for the rest of my life.
think this situation has been a little more traumatic than i was willing to admit.
glad to be out.
driving down the GW parkway to work. it takes forever, but my commute is cool. the trees are amazing for fall. we are about ready for snow i think. phew!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
fasting and none too soon.
obviously we are not talking about food. maybe someday that will be a useful tool, but these days that would just make me bitter. =)
talking about money actually. i haven't exactly been sticking to a budget. to be fair most of the things have been long overdue necessities that i figured might not happen again for awhile. cleaning out storage unit, getting a functioning vehicle, gloves and hat for winter. goofy, but essential.
so sunday, i decided i am pretty prepared so i better stop spending and start saving.
god forbid my renters give notice and i have pay them their deposit back right now. oops.
couldn't have been better timing! i opened up my checking account to print a statement for the trustees (judges who decide my financial fate) and boom, i have 96 dollars to my name.
not bad. i have groceries and gas, clothes and such. but a little less than i would normally feel comfortable with!! geez.
so fast i must! no more le pain quotidien trips for awhile. every time i save myself the trip (usually food related) i will save that 20 bucks i would have dropped on dinner/brunch/lunch. think i will even go ghetto and get a jar.
banks can be kind of fickle when things go array.
no more dollar therapy. its so unfortunate. it was so effective. but i have to find a better way to therapize myself for the future. and there will be some living without. i can do it!! still get to eat and got a couple trips planned to see people. i have nothing to complain about. just getting down to brass tacks.
a few deep breaths and i am off for the real deal of living on less.
pretty funny, dr. harkins sermon this week on was on the potential of less. . .sort of embarrassing how well god knows me and has got my back. . .he made gideon go from 32,000 troops to 300. he didn't want the men to be able to boast of their own strength. he wanted to be plain and clear that HE and only HE was able to defeat the Midianites. Not by Might, Nor by Power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord. Zechariah 4.6
goodness gracious. i am just hoping i am down to 300 now. =)
Gideon defeats the Midianites
Judges 7:1-7
1 Early in the morning, Jerub-Baal (that is, Gideon) and all his men camped at the spring of Harod. The camp of Midian was north of them in the valley near the hill of Moreh. 2 The LORD said to Gideon, “You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’ 3 Now announce to the army, ‘Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.’” So twenty-two thousand men left, while ten thousand remained.
talking about money actually. i haven't exactly been sticking to a budget. to be fair most of the things have been long overdue necessities that i figured might not happen again for awhile. cleaning out storage unit, getting a functioning vehicle, gloves and hat for winter. goofy, but essential.
so sunday, i decided i am pretty prepared so i better stop spending and start saving.
god forbid my renters give notice and i have pay them their deposit back right now. oops.
couldn't have been better timing! i opened up my checking account to print a statement for the trustees (judges who decide my financial fate) and boom, i have 96 dollars to my name.
not bad. i have groceries and gas, clothes and such. but a little less than i would normally feel comfortable with!! geez.
so fast i must! no more le pain quotidien trips for awhile. every time i save myself the trip (usually food related) i will save that 20 bucks i would have dropped on dinner/brunch/lunch. think i will even go ghetto and get a jar.
banks can be kind of fickle when things go array.
no more dollar therapy. its so unfortunate. it was so effective. but i have to find a better way to therapize myself for the future. and there will be some living without. i can do it!! still get to eat and got a couple trips planned to see people. i have nothing to complain about. just getting down to brass tacks.
a few deep breaths and i am off for the real deal of living on less.
pretty funny, dr. harkins sermon this week on was on the potential of less. . .sort of embarrassing how well god knows me and has got my back. . .he made gideon go from 32,000 troops to 300. he didn't want the men to be able to boast of their own strength. he wanted to be plain and clear that HE and only HE was able to defeat the Midianites. Not by Might, Nor by Power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord. Zechariah 4.6
goodness gracious. i am just hoping i am down to 300 now. =)
Gideon defeats the Midianites
Judges 7:1-7
1 Early in the morning, Jerub-Baal (that is, Gideon) and all his men camped at the spring of Harod. The camp of Midian was north of them in the valley near the hill of Moreh. 2 The LORD said to Gideon, “You have too many men. I cannot deliver Midian into their hands, or Israel would boast against me, ‘My own strength has saved me.’ 3 Now announce to the army, ‘Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.’” So twenty-two thousand men left, while ten thousand remained.
4 But the LORD said to Gideon, “There are still too many men. Take them down to the water, and I will thin them out for you there. If I say, ‘This one shall go with you,’ he shall go; but if I say, ‘This one shall not go with you,’ he shall not go.”
5 So Gideon took the men down to the water. There the LORD told him, “Separate those who lap the water with their tongues as a dog laps from those who kneel down to drink.” 6 Three hundred of them drank from cupped hands, lapping like dogs. All the rest got down on their knees to drink.
7 The LORD said to Gideon, “With the three hundred men that lapped I will save you and give the Midianites into your hands. Let all the others go home.” 8 So Gideon sent the rest of the Israelites home but kept the three hundred, who took over the provisions and trumpets of the others.
waiting for the green line home last night after our little event at arena stage.
office images (my company) did the furniture for this project
nothing i love more than glass and wood texture, now add curves. ahh. . .
wondering if bing thom (architect) would mind designing some updates to my little shoreline house?
was so refreshing to see some great architecture at the amazing new theater company. probably doesnt hurt that the architect is from vancouver bc. . .the metro stations are pretty cool too. always liked their old school acoustic techniques and shapes. driving is overrated sometimes.
Monday, November 8, 2010
dylan, skates and jose.
went skating with mari at her little cousin, Dylan's Birthday party in Laurel. it was so fun! she says, why do we not do this all the time?! seriously, why dont we?
adults falling to the floor and having to be rescued by not one, but 5 emt's and actually rolled of the floor on a stretcher. (surely that guy was just in need of attention. . .)
to 14 year old skate referees that enforced the law to a "t" in every instance. maureen got kicked out of the 4 corners game for cheating. i thought it was really funny. when her number got rolled. she politely skated to another corner to continue playing. ahh, but no! the striped shirt quickly spotted her, pointed and escorted her off the rink with the other losers. lets see, i got in trouble for taking pictures while skating, wearing my sweatshirt around my waist (it was hot!) and racing with a little kid.
mari form tackled a little darling named diondre. i am positive that 9 year old will relive that joy for many years to come. he got up with a huge smile on his face.
then there was jose. that kid was awesome. mari, jose and i played tag for the last 15 minutes and left jose permanently "it". ahh. . .it was so great.
next year, when i turn 33 (yes the age of jesus), i am having a huge 70's roller skate party at Lynnwood Roll a Way. So get ready!
adults falling to the floor and having to be rescued by not one, but 5 emt's and actually rolled of the floor on a stretcher. (surely that guy was just in need of attention. . .)
to 14 year old skate referees that enforced the law to a "t" in every instance. maureen got kicked out of the 4 corners game for cheating. i thought it was really funny. when her number got rolled. she politely skated to another corner to continue playing. ahh, but no! the striped shirt quickly spotted her, pointed and escorted her off the rink with the other losers. lets see, i got in trouble for taking pictures while skating, wearing my sweatshirt around my waist (it was hot!) and racing with a little kid.
mari form tackled a little darling named diondre. i am positive that 9 year old will relive that joy for many years to come. he got up with a huge smile on his face.
then there was jose. that kid was awesome. mari, jose and i played tag for the last 15 minutes and left jose permanently "it". ahh. . .it was so great.
next year, when i turn 33 (yes the age of jesus), i am having a huge 70's roller skate party at Lynnwood Roll a Way. So get ready!
mari got me dancing like silly fool on the skating rink. purple sweatshirt. jose is the dark haired kid behind me with the grey tshirt.
i am a terrible video-er, but whatever. i captured something. =)this is the mass of howard county firefighters that came to rescue the dad that fell and just couldn't get up. according to the funny kid at right, and the firefighter we asked this happens all the time. atleast every tuesday afternoon at the senior skate. seriously 5 rescuers for a sprained ankle? dude we laughed, hope they were laughing too.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
peonies
ever seen peonies in bud state? they are really pretty. round and joyous. but nothing exotic.
as they bloom though, you are in for a royal treat.
their layers start unfolding and you get to see more and more depth. i always wonder if it will ever stop blooming. usually its over a week of new layers being opened up to the sunshine each day. they unfold huge and gracious blossoms, until finally. ...
the center of the flower is exposed. each one a little different, but every one almost surreal and gorgeous. you just can't believe they started out as that little bud on the bush. i am in total awe every time a peony puts on a show.
i feel like this amazing flower. started out nice, but just a bud on a pretty bush. as the weeks go by, i am slowing unfolding, petal by petal, getting little pieces of myself back. oddly enough its a much less complex beauty that has set in in my life. things are slowing down and opening up wide.
i have felt a little bad about letting go of some of the things i felt contained status. including being married to a not very nice husband. at least i had a nice little rock on my finger. ya know?
but i have been so worn out by all this status over that past years. trying so hard to keep up a show of house and cars and nice happy couple.
i have been ashamed that things fell off the side of a cliff, never to return. will i ever be whole again?
this morning i was looking thru some pictures of a recent furniture trade show (thank you Humanscale) and ran across something phenomenal. Leonardo Da Vinci said. Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
that statement just made me stop. how true. simple things make such a huge impact on me. real relationships with people. a little extra time. sweet coffee at le quotidien. sunshine when i get home from work. and little clean english basement with not crazy yellow on the walls. dogs who seem to think i am the greatest thing since sliced bread for no good reason. a mom who calls just to tell me she loves me.
these are the things that really matter.
meanwhile the complexities and former status quo es are getting forgotten on along side the path. because honestly none if gave me a future and a hope. but these little beautiful things seem to help me along everyday.
please God, give me continued appreciation for the simple and sophisticated weave of my little life.
me and b at bens next door with mari and janet on saturday night.
sweetness.
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