Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and other nightmares. . .

ok.  i know i shouldn't watch any of it.  have seen a couple of the dc housewives because i wanted to see how dc is portrayed.  last night i was practicing my expertise with the remote control and the beverly hills troop came on.  well they are definitely not disproving an theories on LA and plastic surgery. holy crap can someone tell the girl with sort of carmelly colored hair that her lips are not even attached to her face anymore.  i could not stop staring.  it was as if they were their own piece of being.  yuck and half.
not to mention, if you thought the real ladies of the oc were shallow and baseless, the bh chicas got em beat for sure.
dude, they make me want to stop bathing and drive a corolla, just to get as far away from their horrific attitudes and lives as possible.  felt terribly sorry for camille, kelsey grammar's wife (or exwife? I am confused).
there was no real life there at all. fake, all fake.  i am gonna spit up if i keep thinking about it!

maybe thats how the nightmare session got started.  aren't we all supposed to want to be a stay at home mom, with gucci shoes, one curly haired baby, eight nannies, and a house manager to help us while we are not bothering to parent our children?  not to mention having no relationship whatsoever with our very rich and elusive spouse.  so disgusted by the whole "real" housewives concept.  never! never!

i did have quite a nightmare.  not sure if i screamed and cried for real, but i think my eyes were pretty puffy when i woke up.  had dream that rodney showed up at my door and all the sudden was transported back to premarriage niceness.  i was skeptical at first, but let him in.  we talked and he just seemed so sincere.  he even offered to walk the dogs with me, which was never a reality!  it was too good to be true.  when snap, before we could literally kiss and make up, he started going into some new studio equipment he had purchased.  instantly my blood began cooking.  i am in the middle of reorganizing a joint pair finances because you supposedly could not find a job and you can't pay your student loans and now you show up here. . . this is all very suspect.
i realized (in my dream) he had shown up as per usual, because he needed to help financially.  he even had sort of an evil glint in his eye when i looked closer.  there was no good there.  kind of went nuts in my dream.  a lot of screaming.  i thru him out and slammed the door.

the whole thing was horrifying.  probably less over the content which was all too familiar and more over the idea of him being in my real life, right now, in my house on 35th.  it was so, so much worse than just remembering the bad.  dont know what it could really mean, but i will tell you what i took from it.

have been feeling a little bad for myself the last few days and honestly a little depressed about things.  but man o man my life is so much better than being drug down by that  man ever again.  no matter what state i am in now, it is better than being tied up in knots over absolutely everything and not being able to function normally because i can't seem to make my husband happy.  no more constant moving about trying to find something that would never be found. he completely missed the real joy and zest for imperfect and beautiful life that was ours for the taking.  he just didnt' feel comfortable enough in his own skin to love anyone else, let alone be happy with himself.

i know there will be other hard times in life.  but i now know that if i am willing to listen, i will never have to live like that again.  used to be afraid i would accidentally fall into that reality again by making a few wrong turns.  but no way! even in my dream, i recognized the signs and said h-e-double hockey sticks no!  get out and dont come back.

when i woke up my throat was scratchy, like i had been screaming.  i was just so grateful it was only a dream. thank you lord for delivering me to rockville, maryland this morning to work.  and not delivering me into the hands of constant dissatisfaction for the rest of my life.

think this situation has been a little more traumatic than i was willing to admit.
glad to be out.

driving down the GW parkway to work.  it takes forever, but my commute is cool.  the trees are amazing for fall.  we are about ready for snow i think.  phew!