Last bit of sun

Canoeing again today after work. I feel like I had a real evening.  Maybe I can got to work satisfied tomorrow. . .One can hope.
Li and Hillary (Malia's sorority sis - visiting this week) walked to Jack's Boat House. Canoed for an hour at sunset and then headed to Kotobuki for our share of Japanese snobbery. Actually love that place. Tonight it seemed, someone's spoiled niece was the acting server. She really had no use for us or any of the other customers.  Oh well, the sushi chefs were off the chain tonight.  And the wasabi was fresh enough to clear out my entire face.  Had to add some Soy Sauce to that mixture.  Whoa.
All in all, one of the best Tuesday nights in recent memory.  Taking advantage of all the bits summer has left to offer.  Plus I bought a ticket to go home on October 7.  Think that fact is adding to my joy. =)

Check out the video coverage of our trip back to the dock.  Clyde is the entertainment as usual. . .

Yes, that is mud on my face.  Clyde and I jumped in again and apparently smeared some of the potomac nastiness on my face.  For such a sophisticated place, I sure get dirty a lot here.  As Hillary says, "you can take a person out of Seattle, but you can't take the Seattle out of a person".  True that. =)

ode to a tiny little nook, named kitchen.

after a week long carbon monoxide headache, months of mosquitoes up the ying-yang and several harassing gmails by my landlord, i was about toasted on this little gtown pad.

actually found a place near tenley circle with an unbelievable kitchen, but i think clyde and kelley were just too much for them. i understand.  probably would not pick the lady with the 2 hound dogs to live below me either.

so i am here on 35th, for now.  i hadn't realized that tininess of my pretend kitchen was keeping me from having friends over and actually cooking.  as a former wife, i was a little overwhelmed with the responsibility of feeding 2 people after work, every day.  guess its gotten a little easier to prepare decent meals in my old age.
funny, when you are kid graduating college you tend look down on domestic tasks.  having just spent a fortune on a liberal education.  now i am proud to know my way around a kitchen.  my salad is famous in these parts!  joke if you want, it is just salad.  but i got mari and malia to eat salad with no "dressing".  fresh squeezed lemon, olive oil, pinch of salt and pepper.  thats it.  it amazing1
when we all take turns, our dinners kick restaurant butt.  each of us with our own specialty.  mari rich creamy food, easily seasoned and thoroughly gourmet.  malia anything in the realm of crepes.  she has an amazing butter sauce with white wine that made me respect the crepe.  i got to keep up in this circle.

so saturday was the day of reckoning for my little black fridge.  mari and i headed up connecticut to magruders in chevy chase.  beautiful fruits, veggies, yogurt, and fresh bread galore!  one underused dorm sized food cooler got maximized.=)

my view while cooking in the kitchen. this is it.  its what i got. i wont be beaten by smallness!

22 bucks and i walked out with 2 bags (about 15lbs each). dinner at my house for sure. summer potato salad, my special green salad (peppermint leaves!), white fish, fresh baked crusty bread with irish butter and sweet cantaloupe for dessert.  magruders is awesome.  sammie told me i had to stop referencing magruders in every sentence or she was gonna freak out.  it is the best though!

didn't eat until midnight.  (mari and i ran the exorcist steps before dinner) but it was fabulous.  more for realization that i can cook in my little nook.
the white fish did taste like inside of a fish stick, but malia took responsibility for that one.  so my feelings weren't hurt too terribly.  plus it meant we had more room for ice cream: ciao bella pistashio and starbucks coffee.  i know, i know.  i am allergic and intolerant.  oh well.  one sick tummy wont kill me.  it was worth it.

i will continue to dream of a big piece of worn marble in the middle of the kitchen to prepare genius fresh foods and talk with my beloved visitors.  or even the cute 40's tile in my shoreline house with smooth travertine floors and spanish,glass front cabinets.  but for now, come on over to the 35th for a wicked salad, glass of west coast wine and conversation by the pretty (all be it buggy) patio. =)

canoeing fun in the potomac on sunday. . .

hanging on the sandbar in the middle of the potomac.  sammie and i canoed to theodore roosevelt island and this little sandbar. did you know there are lots of islands in the potomac?  was super fun and a cool 98.

this really isn't as nasty as it looks.  kelley spent the trip out hugged up against sammie.  on the way back she scooched up to clyde, who decided to stand up.  instead of moving, kelley kept trying to get closer to clyde.  they ended up in this criss cross formation on the entire ride back.  people in the boats around us thought it was hilarious.  cause it was!

and yes, we swam in the muddy waters.  atleast clyde and i did. =)

perk for friday.

Pressing up, down, sideways and now FORWARD

Sort of funny how brief moments can be so defining.  Was sitting at my little table in the living room, working on Tuesday when I just felt prompted to stop letting things fall apart around me.  I have been running to chase and catch so many pieces that have fallen due to this insane life change that has been going on around me.

I keep thinking I can catch up and make it whole again, in particular my financial outlook.  For some reason I have been thinking I could make up for an entirely separate person in dollars and cents.  

So i called dad.  If anyone can delineate quickly the importance and severity of things he can.  Hence, i haven't talked much about finances with him to avoid the truth he may speak.  But these days, its all hanging out anyway, so what do i have to lose?

I basically told him, I need to do something to change my finances and get on a plan to be better for the future.  Things have been sliding further and further downhill and I can't seem to stop it.  One thing after another, just seems to keep popping up.  I am looking for another job or a cheaper apartment.  What the heck should I do?

We talked hard facts, using words like foreclosure and bankruptcy.  Holy crap I never thought this vocabulary would enter my world.  But they have.

Shocking part was his lack of surprise and frankly, lack of anger.  He seemed ready for this conversation and pretty at ease talking about attorneys, long term outcome, length of down time.

The part that reached me the most was first he said it really didn't matter if things did fall apart.  I would still be me.  You sure about that?? Second, he said yeah having more money, a cheaper apartment, and a second job would be helpful, but you don't have any of those things. And you are human.  

I guess he gave me permission to fail and still get back up and go again with the same integrity of me.

At first I was kind of mad.  Failing is not an option.  It just isnt.  But the more I thought about, I was super relieved.  You mean, I dont have to get a second job?  Think I slept a little better last night with that thought alone.

So the short term outcome is this:  an appointment with an attorney next week.  In the mean time I am hashing out ideas for a slightly less expensive apartment (in nice neighborhood! dont worry), possible sketchy programs to isolate and speed up debt loss, and just plain budgeting in a whole new way.

I mean geez, if I am going to lose it all, why not take a couple risks before I go down?

Although I am still not prepared to fail, I know that if I do, my heart will still beat and my dad will still love me.

I can live with that.  

Pressing on Toward the Goal

 ¹²Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

what my bank accounts look like right now. . . thank you clyde for the visual demonstration.  i really never thought your pillow addiction would be so helpful.=)

Perpetrator in unincorporated Lynnhood

Mom and Dad, as always over-committed to the ESL an international student program at University Presbyterian.  They are always making new friends and often helping out some pretty trying situations.
One of the Chinese ladies in their group has been having a hard time with her creeper orthodontist husband.
(Is it just me, or do creepy and orthodontist go together really well??)
In the last week it reach maximum wattage after he decided to test drive his ex wife for getting back together. A trip to NY was just the thing.  When it went well he came home, changed the locks and blocked this lady (Miss A) all access to their checking accounts.  With a divorce impending, he wanted to make sure she could not access any more money and that he served her papers at a point when she had no time to contest.
In addition to being afraid of him, Miss A needed to get to the airport in the am and stayed overnight at my parents house.
In the morning a man attempting to serve divorce papers (what do you call that?) showed up at the suburban home of the Benitez crew.
He banged on the door and demanded that Miss A come out.  No one answered, but Nani.  He did persist and Dad did have to go to work.  So he went out to the car to try and leave for work. The guy decided it would be clever to pull his car behind Dads.  Time to get tricky!!  Dad went in the house, figured out that creeper husband had been calling his cell 8,000 times, looking for Miss A and he picked it up.  He said,"Hey there is a guy here blocking my car.  I am trying to go to work and he needs to get out of the way."  Creeper ranted and raved and demanded dad produce Miss A.  Dad refused to comment and just told him to get the guy he sent out of the way.  Creepy stopped calling, but the server guy (probably a PI) was still there!  He kept saying, I know you have her in there.  I know you do.  Seeing a few bags in dads car, he became convinced that they were hiding her in the trunk.  So then he says, you better let her out. There is not much oxygen in the trunk you know.
He tells my dad, he knows those bags aren't his because they are pink and yellow and much to girly.
Okay??!!
Finally dad goes in the house and tells mom to get Miss A ready to go.  He is going to try a couple things, go and hopefully the PI will follow him and mom can roll out and take Miss A to the airport.

Dad goes out gets in his car and pulls back, actually bumping the guys car.  He yells, Hey you hit my car!
Dad, "says, hey you are backing into my driveway trying to prevent me from going to work.  Move your car."
Doesn't work.  So he goes in the house and gets his camera.  Starts taking pictures of the PI's car, even leans in the open window and starts taking pictures of the interior.  No good reason for this, pretty funny though!  Dude is really freaked out and cant figure out why dad is taking so many pics of his car.  So finally he moves.  Dad pulls out to work and goes.  The guy banged on the door a few more times, just to get Nani riled up i guess.  No one answered and he finally left.  Mom waited  a few minutes and put Miss A in the Odyssey under a pillow.  She got to the airport and made it thru security on her way to China.  All of this to avoid being served in the lovely suburb of un-icorporated Lyn-Hood.
Feel like I am missing out on a lot of great adventure!  All we do is work here.  Realizing there is no balance available here.  I exist to work hard an try to rest as much as possible.  So I am planning accordingly.  New goal list being produced this week.  Riah recently made the brilliant decision to quit work and finish school fast.  But the extra brilliant part is she is preparing for her move.  Yah, I want that.  I am preparing. =)

Below are the secret service pair that kept Miss A safe and helped her escape to safety!

Mom and Dad at Disneyland in July. =)

A little theme song for a monday

For some reason this monday is starting out pretty well.  I am suspicious. . .
This song is helping me paw my way thru.  One of these days I am going to parachute from my second floor suite. . .

Love you guys very much.  Sorry I have been so needy and busy and whiny.  I feel encouraged to fight another day and see this thru to the "brighter day".

by Walter of course.  thanks dear friend for making me look so nice.

I hate marathons.

Hola.  Most all is in a rather good state.  But dude, if I dont get some chill time and an extra paycheck soon.  I might just die.  Maybe I need to take a better multivitamin or something.
Work is pretty amazing as far as business goes.
Maybe its cause I see no end in sight.  I have a pretty clear idea where I would like to be in the next stage and how I would like to work, but when will I see the possibilities for that open door? I need that to keep running this path and could really use one those tvs right in front of this treadmill.

The guy at Au Bon Pain said I looked like I had a long week and even bought me a cookie to go with my lunch.
Sad, do I look that bad? Feeling the pressure.  Realizing this chase has a limited life time.  Praying I have the stamina to do it.

Beautiful Walter Pics from my event with Shoot for Change at Puro Cafe last night.  More to come. =)

I will be around. . .

this is dedicated to my sweetest friend from 10th grade. =) miss costey, i love you so much.
i had the pleasure of hopping the d2 yesterday evening and connecting with costa at the same time.
lucky for me, the back of the bus was empty so I got to ride all the way to dupont with cost on the phone.
what a treat. when the d2 dropped me at the corner of q and connecticut, i went and grabbed a muffin at le quotidien and sat on the curb outside the metro.  we talked for about 40 minutes.  felt like home.  man i miss that girl and her boys.

seems like every since bj came to visit, i have been so happy and so homesick.

you two suck.  makes me miss the motherland very much.  i am trying to focus here! dont make me miss you so much.  so here is a little song that is making me cry right now, but i mean it.  can't believe how old we are and how much crap we can still talk. auntie costey, thank you for being a friend across 2 coasts, twice!

max and costa, right before a giraffe at the zoo tried to take his hat.

 mr. maximilian herbert.  i feel you man.  missing this little boy grow up everyday.  must visit.

Sigmund needs to take a long walk around the block.

Was reading thru Switch (Chip & Dan Heath) about the psychology of organizational change on the metro this morning.  Really its aimed at future leaders and CEO's and such, but its just as pertinent to my small life.  One thing really stuck out, they talked about behavioral change.  They said once the experiment has taken place, go back and investigate the Bright Spots.  In the people that did make a change, what the heck were they doing that worked so well?  Look into it and see how you can apply it directly.  
Basically don't get too far away from the source of what works.  Solution Oriented.  Find out what works and duplicate it.  Rather than a Freudian approach of analyzing the history of problems and working your way backwards for a shred of good helpful info.  


Believe it or not, this has a legit place in the psychological community. Its called Solutions-Oriented Brief Therapy (SBT); "finding solutions rather than developing explanations for problems".
Its premise is that, "Most problems are solvable …"  SBT asks: "What do you want to become?" and "What are the necessary steps to get there?"

Must have been missing girls Bible study for real too.  Read thru an old friends blog this morning.
She posted 2 Corinthians 5.7 "We do not live by sight, but by faith".  Yes!
Really struggling with things unseen, but you know what I am lining myself up and trying to stay right in the path I belong.  Got to let God do the rest.  Remember to trust that He will and He absolutely is the Perfector.


2 Corinthians 4:7-9 refreshed my mind too:

 "Let light shine out of darkness, made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

I have definitely worked myself into a Freudian dither.  It has made me forget what is right in front of me.  Realizing I don't have to keep digging deeper to find the answers is a huge relief.  

Life is tough and I am sure this will not be my last bought with self doubt and wonderment at my messes.

The plain truth is I am hugely blessed and largely thankful for such a sweet existence and a second chance to live beautifully in faith.  I am not disparate in anyway, shape or form and remain fully confident in my unseen future.  Bright Spots, I am on my way!

well, son of a very nice lady!

eventful weekend, followed by hilarious tuesday.  maybe i am supposed to be gathering research for a very entertaining book?  otherwise all of this swirling, might just be kind of irritating. . .hahaha!  huh.  feeling a little lost today after a healthy dose of home, slash utter change of perspective. a little dizzy from spinning.  think it wont be fully digested and clarified for a couple weeks, but for now i feel a lot less like a wanderer.  been turning circles the last few weeks, when snap!  i got it.

first things first.  absolutely no more polo shirt boy for me.  was sort of on the fence because of the convenience and persistence.  but a certain tall visitor changed my mind.  there is no fence to be on. (earmuffs b!=)) as long as a person like him exists, there is no reason to be wishy washy.  what a waste of time.
think i might have needed the adult rebellion.  dont like that i am so dense as to need ridiculous far reaching attitude adjustment.  but i clearly did.  mari and malia said my attitude seems a lot more positive about the possibilities for a real, two way friendship/relationship with a person of male of origin.

its hard to change, you know that?  it is so much easier to sit in whatever mess surrounds you.  but i feel fully fired up to charge forward and onward to some new goals in my life.

one of those goals is my profession.  i do still really enjoy my job, but was sharply reminded on friday that i do not work for myself.  and bowing down is still the order of the day.  so i shall play this game because i need to and because most days are joyous challenges that entertain my sorry brain function to the max.
but with a very intent and thoughtful goal on formulating a company of my own inside the next 2 years.  got to write it down so i can feel bad about it when it comes and goes! just kidding.  I think if i really work at it and develop the right business relationships it will be possible.  the work is essential.  i need another one.  can't keep coming up broke if i want to boss myself.  so here we go. ..

 hairy framework for my "action" steps (remind me to never use that term again. ewe)
1.  get a part time gig - sucks, but now i have a real reason to lose sleep.  i can do this.
2.  draw up framework for brand concept (furniture made for our tiny in city houses).
3.  draw up some sketches of furniture that would work in my house and beyond.
4.  find a willing client #1, 2, 3 to develop portfolio on their dimes. =)
5.  interview manufacturers to find a partner that could contract my designs consistently and allow me to make a great cut on my fabulous line, while building the broader business on the east coast.
6.  now find a manufacturer on the east and west coast.  this line is going to be fully sustainable to meet level
certification standards, not least of which by being made within 500 miles of DC and NY and Seattle and Portland.

running to meet the dear mechanic who is going to ride in the tow truck with me to try and get my car out of the garage is sitting in on Connecticut Ave.  6' ceilings sucks for the tow truck. =)

BJ at the Lincoln Memorial yesterday.  Think he got some pretty good footage of people and their sweaty backs.  It was close to 100 degrees and about 50% humidity!  Lovely.

rain, rain come again on everyday. . .

i do love it. whether its genetic, inherent and it really does affect you to live in the rain most of your life. . .
it is so soothing.
might be why i woke up this morning and could only hear the crows in the backyard. usually its all swamp sounds of locusts, crickets, and random Chernobyl sized insects.

today am, i could only hear the most familiar sounds of birds and crows that reminded me of my shoreline yard after a summer rain. sweet smell, wet grass, birds taking advantage of the poor surfaced worms.

i guess it is becoming home. just home.
when i stood by the open window a second time (after a sip of coffee), i did hear the swamp sounds too, but not as loud. tuning into familiar smells and sounds.

sort of the same theme with my crew. you know i have a ton of new friends in this city, but the ones that have stuck are from the west coast! i am not prejudice against easterners. just seems i have the most in common with water loving, foodie having, mouthy westerners.

in fact, i met a fun new friend thru walter who is so sincere and fun. was really proud of myself for coming out of my western bubble. turns out she has been in dc for 3 years, but is really from san diego! we are like magnets for westerners. shoot.

i will take the familiarity for now. its making this move feel much less abrasive.  so the key to happiness in a new coast is taking about 25% of the population of your home town with you. =)

me and dad at snow lake last year on labor day weekend.

man, i love real mountains!! and i miss dad.=)

uncharted territory

been sitting on this little entry for a little over a week, because it involves me admitting AGAIN how freaking fragile i am.  i don't know why, but apparently God is trying to make it clear how tender i am even when i dont want to be. . .

does it seem like i talk about crying a lot lately?  geez.  i really hate it.  up until about a year ago i spent quite a bit of time keeping my feelings to myself.  surrounded by best girlfriends these days, means we talk about feelings a lot.  i do like get things out and over with.  but things feel things so strongly.  sometimes its easier just to keep my insides to myself.  wonder if there will be a more balanced in between for me or i am just figuring out what passionate person i am and actually have been for my whole life. . .scared to ask.  did i just not know myself?

you know what else, i am not used to people asking me about myself and actually pausing and waiting for me to answer.  then ask questions and engage.  kind of makes me cringe.  realized i only talk to about 3 people on the earth with that much candid info.  stupid.  really, even questions about work or just anything about me, myself and i.  really not very good at talking about myself in real time.

all this sort of became clear last night on the phone with a dear friend.  he told me with joy about his job and a cool trip coming up.  then he turned conversation to me and asked how I was.  I talked for a few seconds and he never interrupted me.  okay, interrupt already!  i can't go on like this for much longer dude.  tell me some more about yourself, really.

guessing mari might disagree with me. i talk her leg off on a regular basis, but haven't figured out how to appropriate that info to a good friend that isn't mari or mom.  isn't that sort of what friends are for?  admittedly sort of exhausts me to even think about my goings on too much.  really, who cares about that crap. i want to hear about you.

then, there are other friends who wear polo shirts who ask questions, but dont really listen for the answer.  i find myself catching my breath and looking for a one or two word answer so as not to get hurt feelings by being left in the dust. mom says I need to mention this the offending party.  admittedly dont want to ask to be heard.  if you care, you will listen.  if you don't, you won't.

does that mean i am sensitive too?  that is not gonna work.  dont want to be one of those girls i hear about that shed tears at the drop of a hat.  i may have started wearing pink and dresses lately, but i like my mouthy, sort of hard arse persona. lets keep this on the down low. k?

 a little summer rain from last weekend. . .